I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
