Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
