guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
