ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hippo gnu deer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
