Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
