Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize