I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
