"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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