she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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