she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
