hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
