im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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