whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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