how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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