good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
