I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
