with your own penis?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
