Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Define "chronic" masturbator.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
