she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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