Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
