Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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