i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
