can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
