so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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