I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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