moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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