She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i need some magic done to my vagina
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
