Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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