Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
