In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
