just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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