He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
