im drinking this country out of the recession.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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