all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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