Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
