Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please come you make the beer taste better
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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