I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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