Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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