yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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