I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
