you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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