i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
