found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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