oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
