I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
