You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
