Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
