Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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