Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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