It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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