is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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