its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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