don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize