in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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