I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
