the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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