And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
