We need to rekindle our bromance
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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