Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
