Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
