I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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