so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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