i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
