marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just high enough for therapy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
