I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
please don't ironically join a cult
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