I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
