i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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