well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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