Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we're making bets on your personal life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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