This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
