Barsexuality is the new black.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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