My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
