This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
