just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
