Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
